By Kerrilee Hunter -YN Preschool Director
This morning, I write while the snow falls outside.
Last week, I was with the Early Bird Lunch Club kids, and as part of our morning, they told me they wanted to go to the pond as we had on previous days.
Looking out at the undisturbed snowfall from the nor’easter, I told them that it would take us a while to get there. They were determined, and so we broke some icicles off the roof as our special items to take with us on our journey, and set out across the field.
The going was slow.
Blazing a trail in two feet of snow, it turns out, is a lot of work.
We took turns being the one in front (though it was mostly me, as the tallest), boots sinking into the snow up to our knees or higher. We stopped frequently, taking what the kids called “icicle breaks.” They would lay in the snow, one child slowly eating her icicle, while I crunched a more thorough path than a single bootprint; several times, shaking the snow out of boots was part of the icicle break. There was no way to keep it out completely.
We looked for landmarks to get us there - the fallen tree branch being really the only good one, from the ballroom to the pond. Halfway from the fallen tree branch to the pond, we had to change course and divert around the geese moving about the one bit of unfrozen water.
When we finally arrived, what was normally a minute’s walk had been a 20-minute process.
And now, there have been two snowfalls since then, including the one in progress. That trail we blazed? Filled in, I am sure. If we want to go to the pond again, we’re going to have to do it over, and in even deeper snow this time.
If anything feels like a metaphor for this past year… wow, does that ever. It has felt to me that any and every time we collectively find our footing, something happens and our ability to do anything is slowed, halted completely, circuitously redirected, and/or undone almost as fast as we do it, demanding that we work ever harder to get to the same place we know we have reached so many times - and so easily! - before.
It’s maddening.
I know I feel this, and I bet you feel it too; whatever your days consist of, just getting to the very basic tasks of personing is that much harder, that much more taxing, than it was a year ago. There is little in the way of a reliable routine. The fatigue is real, the feelings of frustration and helplessness are real, all of it is more real than we allow ourselves to admit most of the time, because we still have the next hour to get through, and the next one, and the one after that.
My commute takes me by the Hudson River each day. Last night on my way home, I felt a call to it. I stopped at the ferry terminal in Newburgh, where there weren’t any other people around, and I stood by the water for a few minutes. I actually walked a step or two in the river, at its frozen edge, before coming back to the snow-covered shore and just watching and listening: two ducks, hitching a ride on an ice floe in the middle of the river; distinct prints of mice and squirrels and gulls and one other person who had come before me in the snow; I could actually hear the ice sporadically crackling as the water flowed southward. It was peaceful in a way I haven’t felt in a long time. I did not once think about making the call to close school today, or any of the gazillion tasks that go into piloting a preschool through a pandemic, or the piles of dishes and laundry that awaited me when I arrived home, or how I haven’t seen a single one of my friends in months.
Like me and the Lunch Club kids last week, you are all blazing a trail through two feet of snow, as we live through this strange time. I hope that you also, somewhere, some time, have something like I did last night, where the world feels steady rather than disjointed and overwhelming, where it is your most inner, peaceful gaze that looks out at the landscape and just is, for a moment. We all need as much of that as possible. May those moments find you, and during all those other moments, I’ll be out here with my boots on if you need an icicle break. #TogetherOutside